Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Episode 1: Breaking Bottles


He staggered across the room, his focus fixed on my forehead.
"You're a schloven, no account schoundrel." His finger jammed into my shoulder. I couldn't let this verbose jerkwad talk to me like that. Penance must be paid, and I would show him just who was the real slob here.
I reached for a bottle. "That's the last straw."

Now what? Do I break the bottle and show him how close of a shave this sloven scoundrel can manage or do I just look ridiculous and kill him with laughter?

I originally thought I would just look ridiculous and be breaking my back before I broke a bottle.

Here's where you go watch the video if you haven't already.

I try to smash the bottle on the bar and it bounces off, the cap digging into my flesh. Laughter drifts in the air. My cheeks burn, but I've got a plan. I uncap the bottle, dump the contents on the jerk's head, and watch him splutter.
"Isch that root beer?" He laughs harder.
I can't let him be right about me. I take a second swing and this time the bottle shatters. I feel a sharp pain in my lip. The bottle is now just a stump. The drunk is rolling on the floor in the root beer, guffawing like a fool. Liquid is trickling down my upper lip. I reach up and touch it gingerly, examining my finger. I'm bleeding. Doesn't hurt but I feel like a right fool.
The only course of action now seems to be retreat. I spend a half hour in the bathroom just waiting for the bleeding to stop.


Yeah, I did end up bleeding for about half an hour. It didn't hurt, but we had to stop filming and think of a better way to protect my face. Ironically, I forgot to put my gloves back on after we did get the "extra protection." I scratched my hand on the bottle cap. I'm so smart sometimes.

Our best results were with the corner of the rock, but this was largely because I hit it with the sticker up. That held the glass together. It crumbled pretty readily though. Of the seven bottles though I had 5 stumps. The other two were the sticker-side up times.

The brown-glass bottles broke a LOT easier than the clear coke bottle. So if you need to break something, grab the root beer. The best place was the corner of our "rock," and the worst was the corner of our table.

I spent an hour or more picking up shards of glass. I found shards as distant as ten feet from our testing areas. The water spray also got all over me. (If you look you can see it on my pants).

Strong guys have an easier time but its not guaranteed. My husband is a lot stronger than me. I can bench press 70 lbs. He can bench 170. But even then, he had a few times where it didn't break right away.

If you have any questions, comments, or ideas please share. I'm here to help. So my fellow liars, enjoy the video, and keep your pants on!


Anonymous said...

Perhaps a better tactic would just be chucking the full bottle at your enemy. Or hitting them over the head with the bottle intact! Then your aim doesn't need to be as good.

Also, clearly, one should wear a welding mask in to a fight.

Riley Redgate said...


Don't hurt yourself too badly!

You said there was going to be one about cutting your own hair with a knife or something?! I almost don't want to see that; your hair is incredibly gorgeous. D:

Suggestions... Well jeez, you have so many suggestions for my Undercover YA, I've got to come up with something. :P

I love you, I love this blog, I'm thinking hard about stuff you could do! Eep!

A.M.Supinger said...

Cool post :)

Matt Sinclair said...

Good stuff!

Anonymous said...

How about a full Champagne bottle (green glass) - have you tried it?

Great post, I actually have a scene...

Tracy said...

Oh yeah, I'm definitely going to make welding masks a fashion trend. At least for bar fights. Every time I go to a bar (which is never) I'm wearing one.

Sorry Mei Nu but the hair is already gone. Well some of it is not, but about 10-12 inches is. You'll see.

Thanks guys for showing up and viewing. I've got enough ideas for a little while so don't blow a gasket in your helpfulness.

So, so, so glad people are enjoying this. Thanks for being awesome!

Tracy said...

Oh! I have one of those. Maybe for a Sunday Short I can throw that in the mix as well. Technically its a fancy apple cider bottle. But should be the same.

CNHolmberg said...

Um, you're my new favorite person. Followed.

Joyce Alton said...

The part where you're whacking away with the welding helmet I'm yelling "Gloves! Gloves!" So glad you didn't rip apart your hands. Heavey gloves should be another accessory in a bar fight.

Great vlog stuff. Keep them coming!

Halalcohol said...

Wow. That was hilarious. I now want to write a short story on a bar fight failure. Maybe I'll add it into something I'm working on.

I completely agree wtih CNHolmberg. You're too awesome. Keep posting!

Tracy said...

Don't forget me when you're all famous thanks to my awesome tips. I accept gifts of gratitude in the form of chocolate.

KellieM said...

Had to come see this after chatting with you. It's a great vlog. Very cool and you are so cute so make sure the next time you're in a fight you wear your welders mask. I LOLed when you missed the tree a couple times.

Your husband is a real sport too.

I'm curious on how you added video. Did you use video upload from blogger? or another way? I tried to upload a video that was just a little over a minute and blogger acted like it was going to die. I'd love to know how you did it!

Tracy said...

I uploaded it onto youtube first then just embedded the video here. Youtube gave me the code to do that.

Thanks for checking it out. I'll be the welding mask super hero! Fight crime with me extra protection.

KellieM said...

Thanks for the answer to the video question!

Eisley Jacobs said...

Ouch! Am I the only one who screamed at the computer screen when Tracy was breaking the bottle WITHOUT gloves on?!?! ;)