Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Episode 1: Breaking Bottles


He staggered across the room, his focus fixed on my forehead.
"You're a schloven, no account schoundrel." His finger jammed into my shoulder. I couldn't let this verbose jerkwad talk to me like that. Penance must be paid, and I would show him just who was the real slob here.
I reached for a bottle. "That's the last straw."

Now what? Do I break the bottle and show him how close of a shave this sloven scoundrel can manage or do I just look ridiculous and kill him with laughter?

I originally thought I would just look ridiculous and be breaking my back before I broke a bottle.

Here's where you go watch the video if you haven't already.

I try to smash the bottle on the bar and it bounces off, the cap digging into my flesh. Laughter drifts in the air. My cheeks burn, but I've got a plan. I uncap the bottle, dump the contents on the jerk's head, and watch him splutter.
"Isch that root beer?" He laughs harder.
I can't let him be right about me. I take a second swing and this time the bottle shatters. I feel a sharp pain in my lip. The bottle is now just a stump. The drunk is rolling on the floor in the root beer, guffawing like a fool. Liquid is trickling down my upper lip. I reach up and touch it gingerly, examining my finger. I'm bleeding. Doesn't hurt but I feel like a right fool.
The only course of action now seems to be retreat. I spend a half hour in the bathroom just waiting for the bleeding to stop.


Yeah, I did end up bleeding for about half an hour. It didn't hurt, but we had to stop filming and think of a better way to protect my face. Ironically, I forgot to put my gloves back on after we did get the "extra protection." I scratched my hand on the bottle cap. I'm so smart sometimes.

Our best results were with the corner of the rock, but this was largely because I hit it with the sticker up. That held the glass together. It crumbled pretty readily though. Of the seven bottles though I had 5 stumps. The other two were the sticker-side up times.

The brown-glass bottles broke a LOT easier than the clear coke bottle. So if you need to break something, grab the root beer. The best place was the corner of our "rock," and the worst was the corner of our table.

I spent an hour or more picking up shards of glass. I found shards as distant as ten feet from our testing areas. The water spray also got all over me. (If you look you can see it on my pants).

Strong guys have an easier time but its not guaranteed. My husband is a lot stronger than me. I can bench press 70 lbs. He can bench 170. But even then, he had a few times where it didn't break right away.

If you have any questions, comments, or ideas please share. I'm here to help. So my fellow liars, enjoy the video, and keep your pants on!

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Sunday Shorts: Black Eyes

Get it? Shorts? Heh.

So it may switch to Saturday Shorts, we'll see. But I'm just going to leave quick interesting bits of information or answer questions that take less than a full video.

I had a question a couple weeks ago about: how long does a black eye last?

Fortunately for me, my friend got a black eye on Monday! Her son threw a train at her face and hit just below her temple. The bruising spread (she said "it was like it leaked") under her whole eye. Interesting right?

She's still got it, and she's going to keep me updated on how long it lasts. I'll come back and edit this post later with the progress of her shiner.

EDIT: Her black eye lasted exactly two weeks until there was no noticeable bruising around her eye.

So now you know about at least one real black eye example.

Thanks for reading. Keep your pants on!

Saturday, June 25, 2011

My First Page: Contest Entry

I use this page for entry in contests and to get feedback. Links for the contests are usually in the Friday Freebies posts. So here's my first page for you all to look at.

Genre: YA Fantasy
Wordcount: 84,000

"You shouldn’t do that.” The Boy narrowed his eyes and glared with all the indignation called for in such a situation.

"Do what?" The target of his fury, a girl no older than he, swung her legs back and forth.

At twelve and not old enough for a title, the Boy kept his focus on himself, but he had stopped his daily walk through the cemetery at a sight even he could not ignore.

The girl had brown eyes, but as for her other features, he had not taken the time to notice them. He found something else far more interesting. "What you’re doing, sitting on that headstone there."

"And why shouldn’t I?" Her question seemed genuine, but the Boy could not fathom how she could not see the issue with her actions.

"Because. Someone died there."

The Brown-Eyed Girl brushed an orange leaf from the headstone. "No they didn’t. Not one of these people died here. They all died at home in their beds, or abroad in the world, or wherever it suited the world best to have them die."

The Boy paused in surprise at her response, but could not deny she was right. "Well, I’m sure that person doesn’t want you sitting on his headstone.”

"Oh, I’m quite certain she doesn’t mind."

The Boy jolted. Who did she think she was? He puffed up his chest. "And how can you be so certain?"

She ran her fingers through her hair and shook it loose. "Because,” she said, “this headstone is mine.”

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Where Did I Go?

No, I did not start this blog just to give up. I still exist. I'm still planning on doing this thing. I even have some videos waiting and raring to go. One problem: I don't know how to edit them. Yet! My hubby is going to teach me. He just doesn't have the time. So I'm waiting.

But I haven't forgotten. In the meantime, I might just start doing a normal blog type entry.


If you guys are interested.

I'm not desperate, I swear.

Looooove meeeeee!

Alright, I'm done. Thanks for sticking with me through this waiting. Videos will be regular once I learn how to get them edited. I promise. With exceptions.


Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Writers are Liars

Get out your trusty suspenders because there's no suspension of disbelief in this crowd. We're going for real. Not Platonic Reality. Actual Reality.

But why? Because writers, artists, authors, etc. are all basically liars. You heard me. You're a liar. Or you could say we tell the truth and everyone else in the world is the liar. Doesn't matter.

If you're going to present a lie (or a truth to people convinced of a lie) then the best tool you can have is EVIDENCE! Sorry for shouting. It's just so fun sometimes.

What makes the best evidence? Details. Details. Details.

If I say: I met the President. You might not believe me. Especially if that's all I say.

But if I say: I went to DC on a class field trip and the President stopped and shook our hands when we were touring the White House. He smelled like almonds, and he had a red tie. I was too scared to talk, and the kid next to me threw up afterwards. I start to sound more believable. It's hard to argue with a spewing kid and almonds. Unless you know the President really smells like Old Spice.

So when writing or drawing up your latest awesome scene, you can make it more convincing with more details. The more accurate your details the better.

But if you want to describe getting punched in the face and you've never been punched in the face are you out of luck? Nope. That's what the Belief Suspenders are for. (In addition to ending sentences with prepositions.)

Each month (or sooner depending on how this goes), I'll post a video of me doing things that most people might not have practical experience with. Things like: cutting my hair off with a knife, breaking bottles for a fight, shooting up car doors, jumping out of a moving vehicle, etc.

I'll also write up more details about the experience here and answer any additional questions you might have about the video of the month. Please leave comments with suggestions or questions. I'm always open to new ideas for videos.

Please Note: I won't do anything that's been done before on a certain show that involves myths and confirming or "busting" said myths. Just because they already did it and they have a bigger budget than I do. So they can do big things like blowing up a car. Also, nothing illegal or deadly.

Thanks for reading and watching though. Keep your pants on.