Episode 4: Breathing Underwater

SUMMARY OF SCENE

Someone's pounding on the door. They probably heard the fire alarm. I grab my burned cards and dive out the window.

I seem to have forgotten this bar is on a boat. SPLASH! Oh well, I can hide in the water. I grab a reed and dive down. If the movies have told me anything, this should be super easy.

MY HYPOTHESIS

I figured the hardest part would be being deep enough to be hidden and not be seen. I never imagined breathing would be the biggest pain in the butt. (The straws aren't long enough to cause suffocation at least.)

ACTUAL OUTCOME

Yeah, as I said. Breathing was a huge pain in the butt. Figuring out how deep I was and how deep I could go was a pain in the butt. Staying under was a pain in the butt. Basically, my butt was sore!

CONCLUSION OF SCENE

I dive under and try to breath through my reed, but water keeps going up my nose. I start to panic and breathing becomes harder and harder. Great, now I'm panicked and I have a crappy hair cut. Could this day get any worse?

DETAILS

Whenever I went under, I got water up my nose. So the best way to breath was to bend the straw and start breathing through it BEFORE I went under. The other issue was how visible I was. Seriously, I needed some real reeds to hide.

To be honest, I got a little panicky with so little air, focusing on so much, and trying to stay underwater. Normally I have no problem sitting underwater, even when holding my breath. This time I did. I'm ashamed. But at least my little bro was there, so he showed me up.

Keep your pants on guys!

P.S. My bro is AVAILABLE ladies.

Episode 1: Breaking Bottles

SUMMARY OF SCENE

He staggered across the room, his focus fixed on my forehead.

"You're a schloven, no account schoundrel." His finger jammed into my shoulder. I couldn't let this verbose jerkwad talk to me like that. Penance must be paid, and I would show him just who was the real slob here.

I reached for a bottle. "That's the last straw."

Now what? Do I break the bottle and show him how close of a shave this sloven scoundrel can manage or do I just look ridiculous and kill him with laughter?

MY HYPOTHESIS

I originally thought I would just look ridiculous and be breaking my back before I broke a bottle.

ACTUAL OUTCOME

Here's where you go watch the video if you haven't already.

CONCLUSION OF SCENE

I try to smash the bottle on the bar and it bounces off, the cap digging into my flesh. Laughter drifts in the air. My cheeks burn, but I've got a plan. I uncap the bottle, dump the contents on the jerk's head, and watch him splutter.

"Isch that root beer?" He laughs harder.

I can't let him be right about me. I take a second swing and this time the bottle shatters. I feel a sharp pain in my lip. The bottle is now just a stump. The drunk is rolling on the floor in the root beer, guffawing like a fool. Liquid is trickling down my upper lip. I reach up and touch it gingerly, examining my finger. I'm bleeding. Doesn't hurt but I feel like a right fool.

The only course of action now seems to be retreat. I spend a half hour in the bathroom just waiting for the bleeding to stop.

DETAILS

Yeah, I did end up bleeding for about half an hour. It didn't hurt, but we had to stop filming and think of a better way to protect my face. Ironically, I forgot to put my gloves back on after we did get the "extra protection." I scratched my hand on the bottle cap. I'm so smart sometimes.

Our best results were with the corner of the rock, but this was largely because I hit it with the sticker up. That held the glass together. It crumbled pretty readily though. Of the seven bottles though I had 5 stumps. The other two were the sticker-side up times.

The brown-glass bottles broke a LOT easier than the clear coke bottle. So if you need to break something, grab the root beer. The best place was the corner of our "rock," and the worst was the corner of our table.

I spent an hour or more picking up shards of glass. I found shards as distant as ten feet from our testing areas. The water spray also got all over me. (If you look you can see it on my pants).

Strong guys have an easier time but its not guaranteed. My husband is a lot stronger than me. I can bench press 70 lbs. He can bench 170. But even then, he had a few times where it didn't break right away.

WRAP-UP

If you have any questions, comments, or ideas please share. I'm here to help. So my fellow liars, enjoy the video, and keep your pants on!